I went to bed just before 11pm. It’s now 12.57am and I haven’t been able to get to sleep yet, hence my presence this evening, no, wait, this morning. About 25 minutes ago, I reached the point at which I am in despair- so desperately wanting to go to sleep and becoming increasingly frustrated at my incapability to do what should be a natural thing- but I am so sick of tossing and turning and letting my blood pressure increase, so sick of trying to drift off to a nicer place, that I feel I must do something else to take my mind off the fact that I am unable to sleep even when I’m tired, proving my hopelessness. So I turned on the wall lamp above my bed and picked up a book. Because a book will calm me and help me fall asleep, right? Yes. Unless, of course, the book is entitled Middlemarch. I love Middlemarch, but it’s not good reading for insomniacs, it seems… or at least it’s not good reading for me when I’m an insomniac, because my brain has shrivelled up and I can’t remember anything that has previously happened in the novel, so as I read it in a frustrated, tired state, I become even more frustrated because I can’t keep up with the story and have no idea what is going on.
So Middlemarch was thrown to the floor. It will be picked up again later on, after I’ve slept and my memory and tolerance levels hve been replenished. I needed some un-intellectually stimulating to occupy me. I noticed my bottle of Particuliere on the floor and decided I was going to use it. I sat on the floor, grabbing my nail polish bag, and started painting my nails. I was going to just put Particuliere on and then a clear, glossy top coat, but I suddenly felt 10 years old again and chose 5 different colours: muddy brown (Chanel), mint green (Revlon), lavender (Revlon), pale pink (Clarins) and orange (Stargazer). One colour for each nail. Then I used the same colours on my left hand, but I put the colours in different places because, as a general rule, I don’t like things to match. I applied a second coat for a deeper colour. Then it dried and I was bored and frustrated again, at a loss over what to do next besides from p***ing myself off more by trying and failing to get to sleep. I found a cheap, sparkly red nail polish which I purchased in Boyes last month for about £1.40. It’s very thin and liquidy (justifies the price, then) so I only used it once and then stuffed in it at the bottom of my nail polish bag. I had a brainwave: I would put little red, glittery circles onto the middle of each nail for extra drama. Then it dried and it looked amateurish and I was bored and frustrated again.
I don’t really know where this post is going, but what I do know is that I want to ask you this: why use one nail colour when you can use five?
Because my laptop is officially f***** I am using the WordPress app on my phone at the moment, so I can’t upload pictures, to use as examples of the 5-colour nail look, but when I get back to a computer I will post some examples for you. I would take a photo of my own nails and post it right now, but until my hands stop being such a weird shape and my nails stop being bitten and scruffy, I will refrain from photographing my ugly mitts.
Eating disorders are a serious mental illness affecting 1.6 million people in the UK. beat provides helplines for adults and young people, online support and a UK-wide network of self-help groups to help people beat their eating disorder.beat is the leading UK charity for people with eating disorders and their families. beat helped me when I was at one of the lowest points in my life and I am so grateful for the support that they were able to offer. To donate some money in order to make beat even better, please click on the image above. Thank you!